酸酸甜甜 的 滋味 甜甜蜜蜜 的 思念

直到剛才我才知道CW在今年和他的現任女友結婚了。。。
就算已經不愛他了 就算我已經料到他們倆個在莫個階段就會結婚  可是， 當我知道了以後我還是很驚訝。。。還是忍不住我的憤怒與悲傷
因為，我覺得自己好可憐  為他付出那麼多 等了他那那那那么得久 他終究還是跟了別人

你知道嗎?
當你在工作時 我費了一萬個力氣不去打撈你 每天傻傻的坐在電腦面前就為了能跟你講幾分鐘的msn 可是一個月一個月的等待 還是不能把你盼上線
每當你生病難過時 我總是比別人還心疼還要關心你 可是你卻毫無感動
而當我感到寂寞孤獨 想要聽聽你的聲音時 你卻消失的無影無終 這6年以來 每天晚上為你流的淚 現在又能算什麽？
你現在都結婚了 我卻是最後一個才知道
遠距離的愛情 我當初就輸在起跑點
因為她在你的身邊 而我卻在這裡傻傻等待  只因為你曾說過 只要我不變心 一切都有可能

可是什麽 我們分手以後你還要挑動我的心？
你真的覺得傷害我很好玩嗎？
你那时候明明還是她在一起的！
你到底把我當成什麽呀？！
爲什麽你要讓我之前所為你付出的 現在都變得毫無意義？
爲什麽你一定要讓我恨你不可 你才甘心？
我真的有那麼討厭嗎？

。。。我現在掉的眼淚不是因為你 而是爲了我自己
謝謝你 我已經失去了我自己。。。
我這輩子最大的錯誤就是愛上你  以為你也和我一樣是真心的
我现在真得是心碎了無痕。。。也好混亂。。。如果付出的代價是背叛 那我當初又何必？
如果我現在為誰付出了  我們是不是也會有這樣的下場？

算了算了！ 爲了這個爛男人生氣難過真的很不值得
我要快樂！我要過的比你更好！我要把你我之間的那麼一點點的回憶從我的腦海裡徹徹底底的刪掉！
你這個爛人 你這個卑鄙無恥下流的爛人 再見！！

i used to think kissing through da phone at the end of each night is sweet, especially if years after we still do da same thing. however, one day ec suddently said he doesnt want to nemore. >. < i didnt like da idea but he thinks this will make our relationship last longer... its a good idea to try to keep our relationship fresh n everything but i dont c how a "muah" at the end of the night will make much difference when im not happy. afterall, it is only a "muah" n not a "i love u."

....now there is no more feelings of awwwwwwwwz at da end of each night. instead, it is replaced by silence and da beeping sound of hanging up. just how lovely is that?

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那麼暖你的溫度　安靜的依偎著那短暫幸福
愛就算滿足　卻是個未知數
如果有天長地久　有多遙遠 讓我看見

越是幸福越害怕　怕它會結束　越擁抱卻越是孤獨
沒人瞭解的寂寞　我自己照顧

不想讓你發現我凌亂的腳步　我努力跟上你的速度
不再獨自感受　那幸福背後藏的辛苦

那麼寬　你的天空　不該讓我的灰色壞了全部
愛讓人喜悅　就算會有變數
只要能擁有一秒　有多辛苦　我願付出

越是幸福越害怕　怕它會結束　越擁抱 卻越是孤獨
沒人瞭解的寂寞　我自己照顧

不想讓你發現我　凌亂的腳步　我努力跟上你的速度
不再獨自感受　那幸福背後藏的辛苦

最近心情不是很稳定 一下隂一下晴 都是因為看到不該看到的東西
可是我又不想生你的氣 因為有一部份是過去 而我也沒辦法多說什麽
可是。。。那令外一部份呢？ 那又該怎麼解釋？？
現在的我感覺到很不安 我也不知道該怎麼辦
或許 再過幾天我就ok了吧
hopefully......

if u c this then im sori EC...i was feeling like a snoop today so i decided to look through ur hotmail...
however, to my surprise i found a valentines day love letter from RZ...
i didnt understand y u would forward that email from ur other account to this one
is it cause u use this email more often than others so u decided to forward it to this account
n by doing so u can reminiscence her letter instead of deleating it?

in her love letter she included a pic of u guys posing for da camera lookin all happy
she said she enjoyed everything she did with u like baby talks, being a lil gril around u, n eating da mashed potatoes n bagles uve made for her
u guys mustve ai mei a lot back then, huh?
she also said she enjoyed holding ur hands to sleep???
this makes me wonder just how many times have u guys actually slept together??

u said u guys r just friends now n nth else...so i decided not to call u about this n ask u directly
n i also dont want to ruin da last day u have to spend with terrance by u getting upset
i trust u but its kinda hard to trust u when sth like this happens...

sigh~ this is ur past n i know i shouldnt have any reason to b mad at u
n i also trust u that u wont do something stupid
but even though u guys hang out less now n talk less now (or so i assume) i still feel uneasy
i have told u many times about my feelings for her but i still dont think u understand...
is this just a guy thing that they dont understand how their gfs would feel in a situation like this?
i mean...having girl friends im ok with but having a girl friend who u guys u know im just not so sure about...
i dont wana get all jealous n mad everytime u guys hang out but...da uneasiness i feel just wont go away!
i dont wana b da kind of girlfriend that stops u from hanging out with ur friends or stop u from talking to them just cause i said so
if there is a way to get rid of the uneasiness i feel then i would happily try it too
but now...sigh~

i wish i can get a hug from u now but... o wellz.....
i hope ur having lots of fun with ur friends right now
i know u will miss terrance...  =)

這幾天我真的好難過  都是因為那些很白癡的發票
讓你對我這麼生氣 這麼失望 也因為這個你覺得我在瞞著你什麽。。。
雖然我已經跟你解釋真的没有什么了 可是你还是照樣生氣。。。
雖然我重來都沒有瞞過你什麽 可是你還是選著不相信我。。。
最近這幾天也超怪的。。。
雖然我們還是照樣講話 可是我可以感覺到你對我的冷漠
我可以感覺到你的心離我很遠。。。
我現在真的好難過。。。
笨蛋 豬頭。。。 我現在好想要你的抱抱。。。  :(

hehe 貝比今天對我說”我愛你“這三的字耶~  雖然已經不是第一次了可是還是很開心  =D

Wow. it's defn been a long time since ive updated vox...

ive matured a lot since then and defn changed a lot in many ways

i am more aware of my own thoughts and actions and the person i am today

this does not mean that i like the person whom ive became

but at least im realizing this before its too late...

anywhoo~~....i cant sleep now

been out too much these past months

kinda getting sick of it n want to be a zai nu from time to time

but everytime i said i dont wana go somewhere some of my friends would think i am "showing attitude"

its just that sometimes i wana b alone for a change

we dont have to hang out everyday, ya know?

but this defn does not mean i dont wana hang out with u guys no more...

u guys r my buddies!!

btw, some of u seriously have huge "heart machines"     XD

ive realized sth...

i can help my friends through all their ups and downs

knew what to say most of da time

but when it comes to my own problems... im a freakin mess!

(typical psychologist, huh?)

i just dont know what to do nemore

i would always come up with all da possibilities but i just couldnt pint point down to one

maybe its cause ive never been in this situation before

maybe its cause i dont want to face da reality

maybe its cause im too afraid of da result that may follow

maybe its cause im too afraid im gona regret

maybe its cause i actually know what to do but is just too lazy to do em

or maybe...maybe!!

ahhhh

ive been thinking about this for numerous times for the past few years. what exactly would i do when i first see you?! before i think i would faint from happiness if i saw you but now i think i would either poke you first or pull out my hand and tell you to pinch me just to see if i was dreaming. then, when ive finally made sure that i wasnt (and hopefully im not) i would give you the bigest bear hug youd ever had. then, i would probably squeez a couple of tears out just because im so happy to see you but still try to contain it inside because i dont like to cry in front of others.

hm...maybe i would do neither when i first see you. maybe i would just smile till my face goes numb then id keep smiling after that just because ive been waiting for this for way too long. OR maybe id be too shy to do anything at all! then, i guess youll just have to make the first move. hehe   

sigh~ i wish i can see you right now. i wish...i wish santa would bring you to me for christmas this year....sigh~ if only santa were true...

you wait, you wait, and you wait. you wait till you dont think you can no longer wait anymore. for 4 years youve

waited. and you think its worth it. so you keep on waiting...until one day you wake up thinking "am i really doing the

right thing?" youre tired now. youre not sure anymore. but you keep on waiting still. waiting for that day when

you reunit. but as you grow older, you cant help but ponder what the world out there is like. you see people all around

you and they look so happy. and then you think "when will i be happy like them too?" time seems to hold still. you

know its worth it. but the desire and the temptation keeps on growing. bigger and bigger, stonger and stronger. then

you wonder, whats going to happen now? do you keep on waiting or do you forget about it and move on with your life?

and then you keep on wondering...  

dont want to fall too hard

dont want to fall too fast

dont want anymore insecurities

dont want dissapointments

dont want to feel guilty

just want love

just want hugs

just want kisses

just want to be by your side

just want you

i dont know what to do or feel

dont know dont know dont know!!

must concentrate on school..i must!!

going craziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii~